worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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