Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
