This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
