my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
