I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
