eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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