I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
worst night to have a conscience
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
