a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
