We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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