the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
