we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
