I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
