dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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