chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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