If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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