so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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