She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
