You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Holy sore nipples Batman
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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