I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
