I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
