Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
