I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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