i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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