she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You may now shotgun with the bride
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
