No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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