I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
