party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
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just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I did not marry a roomba.