Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
