apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
