whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
