It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize