question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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