Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
