I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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