I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
