we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
