try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
