I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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