Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize
