the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
