Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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