lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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