Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
