Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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