Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
