i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
