yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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