I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
