my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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