Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
