Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My life is pants optional.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
