If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
how drunk are you?
Several
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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