I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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