If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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