So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
