The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
