I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
