Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
