god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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