Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
